Chivalrous That Can Never Die Of A True Gentleman

Many people believe that chivalry is dead. Indeed, it seems that the quintessential gentleman exemplified in the likes of Cary Grant and James Bond was left behind in a past era. However, just because it is hard to find a gentleman does not mean that they do not exist. Guys, take note, women love men who behave like gentlemen. Chivalry IS, in fact, dead when the gentleman no longer understands the meaning behind his chivalrous acts. When actions no longer come from within, but are forced and religious, the inner gentleman dies and so does chivalry.

Arrive on time. If this were an interview for a job you would be sure to arrive five minutes early, well-prepared and ready to go. Deciding on a partner to share your life with is far more important than a job, so be punctual. If an emergency arrives that will make you tardy, call (do not text) her to let her know. A gentleman is his word. Traffic is not an excuse for being late to a date. A good man plans in advance. Don’t keep her waiting.

Be hygienic. This rule does not just apply when going on dates, but at all times. Never leave your home without brushing your teeth and hair, applying a fresh coat of deodorant and quick spray of cologne and washing your face and hands. If a potential girlfriend notices dirty fingernails or un-brushed teeth, she may feel concerned that you are unable to take care of yourself and imagine that you will need reminders to keep up with basic hygiene.

Be confident and classy. When we think about confident men, usually two images come to mind. The first is of the overly-cocky macho male who will order a salad for his date, and no, she does not want any dressing. This kind of arrogant dominant male type is one that many women avoid when choosing a life partner. The second kind is confident in his abilities, but does not brag about them. This kind of guy is honest, self-aware and comfortable in his own skin. Be that guy.

Engage in conversation. Keep the dialogue between you and your date rolling with good questions and listen to her answers. A good conversationalist does not just let an awkward silence roll over the dinner table, but rather maintains momentum and keeps the dialogue flowing. Avoid too many questions and closed-statements, and always favor the other person speaking while you listen with rapt attention. There is no formula for a good conversation – this is something that comes when you are wholeheartedly involved in speaking with and listening to the other person.

Play the part. There are several gestures that will convey your sophistication and chivalry to your date. These include, but are not limited to:

Pick up the check always and without hesitation. The modern lady may not think twice about splitting the check, but the gentleman in you should. Though some condemn the behavior of picking up the tab as archaic and patronizing, many relationship experts agree that most women will not see it this way and will instead be impressed. (Of course, if she wants to treat you from time to time, that is okay as well). An English gentleman never split the meal with his date. The English used the term “go dutch” in “derisive application,” as they stereotyped the Dutch as being cheap, or “stingy.” Today, the gentleman always picks up the tab, especially on the first date, and with no expectations.

Open doors for her. These include the car door, cab door, restaurant door, etc. A guy who takes the time to come around and open the car door for you is a keeper, not to mention a commodity this winter. Recognize and appreciate a guy who puts your comfort and well-being first, even if it’s just for a few extra seconds. A gentleman would help her up into the carriage as a sign of his protection and strength. Women would hold their dresses up as they were often long and heavy. The gentleman opened the door for her so she couldn't have to drop her dress in the dirt.

The modern gentleman helps her in and out of the car to stand in the way of creepy gawkers. Opening a door for her is not a sign she is weak, but a gesture of affection.

Treat the staff well. This applies to anywhere you and your date visit. Tip appropriately and discreetly, and always treat those serving you with respect.

Enter a cab or restaurant booth first. Though it may seem more proper to let her in first, a woman wearing a skirt or dress will appreciate it if you do not make her scoot to the other side of the seat.

Offer your arm: This is a classy alternative to holding hands that reveals your sophistication.

Put away your phone during dates and avoid glancing at it or your watch, as these gestures convey boredom and impatience.

Saving the last bite of food. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So, when he saves the last bite for you, it’s basically him saying he likes you more than whatever meal is in front of him. Which, for the record, is a lot.

Spending time with your family. A guy who shows an interest in your baby photos, coaches your little brother on how to throw a football and compliments your mother’s cooking is a guy who’s in it for the long haul. These are small gestures, but they speak volumes about his intentions.

Suffering through a girly movie. When a man volunteers to endure a girly show or movie because he knows you’ll enjoy it, he earns major bonus points. (Even more if he does so without complaining or expecting something in return.)

Sending flowers. I’m not talking about the $100 bouquet you get on Valentine’s Day. I’m talking about the grocery store assortment he picked up on a random Tuesday while thinking of you. There’s just something about unexpected flowers that makes a girl smile.

Walking on the outside of the sidewalk. The first time someone does this, you will probably be confused. But then you’ll start to question how come other men in your life have never been concerned about positioning themselves in such a way that you’d be protected should curbside tragedy strike.

Why is the pea coat symbolic of the gentleman? Before our drainage systems, a man stood on the outside of the sidewalk in a long coat to protect her from the dust and sewage that could splash up as horse carriages passed by. Sewage was common in the streets. The picture of the man laying his coat over a puddle for her to walk over meant he was protecting her feet from fecal material more than rain water.

Kissing your forehead. Sure, if you’re hoping to date someone and he does this, it can be a dreaded sign of sibling-like affection.

But, if you’re in a long-term relationship and your guy does this, it’s a small gesture that can make you feel adored.

Filling up your gas tank. Much like walking on the outside of a sidewalk, this gesture will probably surprise you the first time it’s performed.

It’s indicative of a man who was raised right and is generally courteous, which is always a welcome surprise.

Putting your jacket on. Women are fully capable of putting their own jackets on, but it’s not a question of ability. It’s gentlemanly and kind for someone to hold out your jacket for you or offer you theirs when it’s cold.

These are little ways men show they care, the same way women have instincts to nurture and protect loved ones.

He helps her put on/take off her coat
Up through the Edwardian period, women wore multiple layers, and beneath them a restricting corset. A gentleman would help his lady put on and take off her coat because of her restricted movement.

Corsets are not common today, but many women still enjoy the help of a gentleman.

He stands when she walks in the room. In the old days, men stood out of respect when a lady, dignitary, or elderly person walked in the room. It was a sign of respect and humbleness. Today, men stand out of courtesy when a guest visits a meeting. A gentleman will stand from his table when he’s introduced to a guest. Standing for her shows you are attentive and you care.

Today, a gentleman might stand in the way of puddles splashing up from buses, or in the event a car veers onto the sidewalk. Symbolically it might mean he’ll always be by her side, through thick and thin, and will protect her from anything.

He never criticizes a home-made meal. An out-loud criticism of a meal as a guest was considered disrespectful to the host. If anyone takes the time and effort to make a dinner, they are your host. Honor them. Smile and chew.

He doesn't LOL. “Frequent and loud laughter is the characteristic of folly and ill-manners…”Letters to His Son on the Art of Becoming a Man of the World and a Gentleman (1746). He might write an “LOL” over text in the present, but a gentleman doesn't have to be loud to command attention. He commands attention through his strong character.

He pulls out her chair. It was common for the gentleman to pull out her chair and allow her to face the open room. Today, the gentleman pulls out her seat, and sits facing away from the crowd and the TV because he doesn't want to be distracted from his priority when he forgets to take his Ritalin.

He sits after she sits. “…and at the table wait until she is seated, indeed wait until every lady is seated, before taking your own place” The Gentlemen’s Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness (1860). Talk show hosts continue this tradition today by waiting to sit until after their guest has taken their seat. If Oprah does it, so can you. She’s your guest. Allow her to sit first.

He doesn't walk ahead of her. Because ladies wore long dresses and could trip on them, the gentleman walked behind her when climbing a staircase. Tumbling down a flight of stairs isn't a good way to end a date. Today, the gentleman follows this etiquette rule because she might be wearing long heels or a long dress. This is another sign of him protecting her. However, she may want him to walk up stairs first if she’s wearing a short skirt.

He gives up his seat to her if there is only standing room. A gentleman offers his seat to a lady if there are no other seats on the bus/train. I’m talking to you…the dude who wouldn't give his seat up to the pregnant lady.

He carries her bags. A gentleman will help her carry her bags today, and when flying, will assist others in putting their luggage in the overhead compartments.

He holds an umbrella over her when it rains. It was common for a younger person to hold an umbrella for an older person. When it rains, the gentleman holds an umbrella over her and doesn't mind getting a little wet.
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He keeps her secrets. A gentleman will always keep a secret, especially the one entrusted to him by the woman of his dreams. Should a break-up happen, the gentleman can still be trusted.

He walks her home or to safety. A true gentleman will walk her to her car or home to this day because he’s concerned for her safety.

He listens to her. “To be a good listener is as indispensable as to be a good talker…” The Gentlemen’s Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness (1860). A gentleman always listens because he wants to deeply get to know her.

He compliments her. She spent a lot of time getting ready, so a gentleman always compliments. He doesn't play on her insecurities. Negging is for creeps.

He would never dream of hitting ANY woman. “…the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the meanest woman” Martine’s Handbook (1866). The same rules apply today. It doesn't matter if you are Chris Brown or Ray Rice, a gentleman finds no excuse to hit a woman…no matter what.

He asks her father for her hand in marriage. In Victorian days, a gentleman would have to show his coat of arms, or his credentials to her father to show he was a worthy man for marriage. The 21st century gentleman asks her father for her hand because it’s respectful and courteous

Bottom line is, there are many rules of etiquette. While they might not be deal-breakers anymore, she will still be impressed with your knowledge and charm.

Chivalry is not dead; men can be everyday knights in shining armor. You just have to learn to spot the subtle, more meaningful gestures.